88 Lines about 44 X-Men

The first in a 44 part series...

88 Lines About 44 X-Men :

Professor X has psychic powers, has a wheelchair, formed the team.

Cyclops leads them into battle,blasts you with a red eye beam

Longshot is a lucky guy, he changes probability,

Rogue is just a southern girl who can steal your ability

Beast is a great scientist, who has big arms and bright blue fur

Wolverine's an animal, a fuzzy angry violent cur

Gambit blows up playing cards with strange kinetic energy

Emma Frost is now alright, but used to be an enemy.

Iceman likes to take the moisture from the air and make it freeze

Elixir is the token doc, he'll fix you up nice as you please

Nightcrawler's a strange blue guy, he teleports and has a tail.

Storm has weather control skills, she can make it rain or hail

Phoenix has some psychic powers and seemingly infinite lives

Psylocke also has has mind skills, she uses them to make cool knives

Cable has an origin that makes fanboys break down and cry

Maggot also joined the team, though I couldn't tell you why

Sabretooth hates Wolverine, and was an X-man for a while,

Dazzler was a pop star, has light power and 80's style

Forge can create anything that he can picture in his mind

Jubilee makes lots of sparks that shine real bright and make you blind

Xorn was Magneto's clone, or twin, or brother, we're not sure

Quicksilver can move so fast you think that he is just a blur

Shadowcat, or Kitty Pryde, can phase her way through any wall

But Juggernaut is much too strong, he just can't be stopped at all.

Uh uh, not Juggernaut

Bishop comes from the far future, has a little eye tattoo,

Mystique can look like anyone, although her skin is really blue

Banshee has a real loud scream, shatters glass and makes ears ring,

Archangel's a rich boy mutant, silver spoon and a big white wing.

Havok is Cyclops's brother, zaps things using plasma blasts

Rachel Summers comes from somewhere in the days of future past

Multi-man makes lots of dupes, can be two spots at one time

Dust can change into a cloud, and leave you covered in her grime

Penance has skin of sharp spikes, makes her quite the introvert,

Armor has a kind of shell, that makes her very hard to hurt

Chamber has some psychic powers, and a fire in his chest

Beak looks a lot like a bird, although he doesn't use a nest

Warlock is an alien, makes people think he's kinda nuts

X-23 has bladed feet that can give nicks and cuts

Strong Guy isn't complicated, he's just... strong

Cypher is the language guy, he could translate this whole song

Northstar is a speedy one, also known for being gay,

Rockslide can be spotted quick, he's made of stone and colored gray

Blink has really got it made, she just blinks from place to place

Now Colossus, take us home, because you've got a metal face.

88 lines about 44 X-men

Hodgman book signing

John Hodgman

John Hodgman and the GTGs

Reading from "More Information than you Require"

Further Hodgman

A PC and me.

Label the World

Oops. Wrong blog. Quick, go to Label the World if you haven't already.

On top of the world

This blog is now the top search term on Google for "Dreadful Rauw". This is not a major accomplishment, considering Dreadful Rauw is a very, very obscure literary reference, but still, at least on the internet, I'm more relevant than the deceased grandfather of a fictional manifestation of noise.

Unneeded Prequels

In honor of the CW producing "The Graysons", a television show about Dick Grayson before he became Robin, I'd like to go ahead and pitch a few unneeded prequels.

The Scottish Adventures : Follow the travels of MacBeth, loyal servant of King Duncan, and his wacky sidekick, Banquo

Those Wacky Dursleys: Watch as the Dursley family spoils their son, while abusing poor lonely Harry Potter

28 Days Before: ... wow, thank goodness there are no zombies about.

Lil' Hands Luke: Egg lovin' Luke wages a one man war against parking meters.

Road to the Yellow Brick Road: Dorothy Gale and her dog Toto sure do like rainbows.

Resident's Guide to the Galaxy: Arthur Dent lives in England, yay England!

Waiting for Godot: Vladimir and Estragon kill time and discuss the universe while waiting for a man who never comes.

Prince of Philly: Will Smith is born and raised in west Philadelphia, spends most of his days on the playground.

Merchant of Monte Cristo: Successful merchant Edmund Dantes loves his girlfriend Mercedes and his friend Fernand Mondego.

Peter Parker, Science Nerd: Thrill to the exploits of Peter Parker as he gets wedgies from Flash Thompson, but As on his papers!

Nazareth Nights: Will good Jewish girl Mary go all the way with her sexy boyfriend Joseph?

Reasons Superman is Better Than Jesus

Superman saves people from falling, villains, and natural disasters.

Superman died, came back, and then went right back to work.

Flying > walking on water.

Coal into diamonds > water to wine.

Superman has superhearing so you know he can hear your requests for help.

Superman will save you whether you worship him or not.

Superman refuses to be king of anything.

Jimmy Olsen is Superman's only follower.

Superman's parents were married.

Justice League vs. 12 apostles = No contest.

Lois Lane has a respectable job. Mary Magdalene... not so much.

You'd have to crucify Superman with kryptonite nails.

70 plus years of comic book continuity is still more consistent than the Bible.

Superman can hold a day job.

Superman inspired the Legion of Superheroes. Jesus inspired Bibleman and DC Talk.

Superman does not want you to eat him.

No one has to die for Superman to love us unconditionally.

So here's the story

A private group in Utah decides to place memorials for fallen state patrol members. It gets permission to use some public land. The memorials happen to be crosses. Atheists sue to have them removed. The case itself isn't of that much interest to me, but the judges ruling is.

.S. District Judge David Sam ruled Tuesday, Nov. 20, against the atheists, holding that the crosses erected around the state of Utah to commemorate fallen state troopers can stand. Sam's decision held that the Roman cross is not a recognizable form of Christianity, at least in this context. "Just as the Christmas tree evolved into a secular symbol of celebration, the cross has evolved into a symbol capable of communicating a secular message of death and burial," Sam wrote. The Texas-based American Atheists Inc., which claimed the memorials violate the separation of church and state, promised to appeal.

Consider that for a moment. In order to maintain the memorials, the argument was made that a cross is not a Christian symbol. If I were a Christian I'd be furious over this. In a battle to force something sacred past the government, people have actually managed to win an argument that strips it of its sacredness. The cross is no longer about Jesus and Redemption, but now about death and burial. In short

now equals

If I go in a church and see a cross, I can assume someone is buried behind that wall. If someone is wearing a cross around their neck, I can assume that they're just a little bit dead inside. And that one scene in The Exorcist is both less creepy and a little more creepy at the same time.

The separation between church and state is not solely to protect the state from the church, but also the other way around. The only way for a religion to maintain any sense of the sacred is to move it far away from the government. Mandatory religiousness of any kind only serves to harm the religion, because you can't force faith upon people. It becomes what the courts have referred to as "Ceremonial Deism". Religious phrases have no meaning in government because their repetition eliminates it. This is why we can say "Under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance. Because the court ruled that the phrase "Under God" has lost any religious meaning. We aren't under God anymore legally that we're the "home of the brave", "imperialist bastards" or "Western devils". The "under God" in the pledge officially has quote fingers around it.

Christmas is not a sacred celebration of Jesus's birth, but a time to spend with family, with Santa Claus taking precedence over the guy who's birthday it actually is. "Merry Christmas" is now a political statement rather than a sincere wish of goodwill. Is it really better now?

So now you're on track losing the cross, Christians, because you want to continue bringing the church to a state that has proven it can't keep anything sacred. Please turn back. That stupid fish symbol is hardly a substitute.