So apparently, in a stunning life-imitates-fanfic moment, Dumbledore is gay now. Let the uproar begin, I suppose, but personally, I'd like to take this moment to give a big "fuck you" to J.K. Rowling for taking the coward's way out. Dumbledore is not gay. I know, I read the books. And while I'm sure I could read them again and pore through the subtext, I have no desire to. It's not that I care one way or another about who Dumbledore wanted to stick his wand into (there, I've done the obligatory wand/penis joke), but I do care about Ms. Rowling trying to have it both ways on this issue. She had seven books. It's obvious by book 5 that no editor was even bothering trying to look at what she did, as is evidenced by the increasing self indulgent size of the books (Harry Potter and the Irritating Series of MacGuffins). She could have mentioned somewhere in the books that Dumbledore might have been gay. Maybe I missed it, but I didn't see anything saying Dumbledore was gay, nor did I find any reason why it would be relevant to his character. To come out now and say he's gay is simply a cheap way to generate controversy without it actually impacting her pocketbook. But, continuing the trend of adding superfluous details to established characters, I'd like to provide the following shocking revelations.
Emperor Palpatine is a Mormon
Flash Gordon is a vegan
Scrooge McDuck is lactose intolerant
Peter Pan is Anti-Semitic
Electra is really a Skrull
Scooby Doo is a Necrophiliac
Papa Smurf has 60,000 dollars in credit card debt
Blue Beetle gave 2300 dollars to the Obama campaign.
