Reasons Superman is Better Than Jesus

Superman saves people from falling, villains, and natural disasters.

Superman died, came back, and then went right back to work.

Flying > walking on water.

Coal into diamonds > water to wine.

Superman has superhearing so you know he can hear your requests for help.

Superman will save you whether you worship him or not.

Superman refuses to be king of anything.

Jimmy Olsen is Superman's only follower.

Superman's parents were married.

Justice League vs. 12 apostles = No contest.

Lois Lane has a respectable job. Mary Magdalene... not so much.

You'd have to crucify Superman with kryptonite nails.

70 plus years of comic book continuity is still more consistent than the Bible.

Superman can hold a day job.

Superman inspired the Legion of Superheroes. Jesus inspired Bibleman and DC Talk.

Superman does not want you to eat him.

No one has to die for Superman to love us unconditionally.

So here's the story

A private group in Utah decides to place memorials for fallen state patrol members. It gets permission to use some public land. The memorials happen to be crosses. Atheists sue to have them removed. The case itself isn't of that much interest to me, but the judges ruling is.

.S. District Judge David Sam ruled Tuesday, Nov. 20, against the atheists, holding that the crosses erected around the state of Utah to commemorate fallen state troopers can stand. Sam's decision held that the Roman cross is not a recognizable form of Christianity, at least in this context. "Just as the Christmas tree evolved into a secular symbol of celebration, the cross has evolved into a symbol capable of communicating a secular message of death and burial," Sam wrote. The Texas-based American Atheists Inc., which claimed the memorials violate the separation of church and state, promised to appeal.

Consider that for a moment. In order to maintain the memorials, the argument was made that a cross is not a Christian symbol. If I were a Christian I'd be furious over this. In a battle to force something sacred past the government, people have actually managed to win an argument that strips it of its sacredness. The cross is no longer about Jesus and Redemption, but now about death and burial. In short

now equals

If I go in a church and see a cross, I can assume someone is buried behind that wall. If someone is wearing a cross around their neck, I can assume that they're just a little bit dead inside. And that one scene in The Exorcist is both less creepy and a little more creepy at the same time.

The separation between church and state is not solely to protect the state from the church, but also the other way around. The only way for a religion to maintain any sense of the sacred is to move it far away from the government. Mandatory religiousness of any kind only serves to harm the religion, because you can't force faith upon people. It becomes what the courts have referred to as "Ceremonial Deism". Religious phrases have no meaning in government because their repetition eliminates it. This is why we can say "Under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance. Because the court ruled that the phrase "Under God" has lost any religious meaning. We aren't under God anymore legally that we're the "home of the brave", "imperialist bastards" or "Western devils". The "under God" in the pledge officially has quote fingers around it.

Christmas is not a sacred celebration of Jesus's birth, but a time to spend with family, with Santa Claus taking precedence over the guy who's birthday it actually is. "Merry Christmas" is now a political statement rather than a sincere wish of goodwill. Is it really better now?

So now you're on track losing the cross, Christians, because you want to continue bringing the church to a state that has proven it can't keep anything sacred. Please turn back. That stupid fish symbol is hardly a substitute.

Coming soon to a concert hall near you...

Pop-Tarts Presents American Idols Live


Can you think of a more appropriate sponsor?

Little Things I Like Doing

When someone is sitting on the floor in the middle of the asile in a bookstore, just reading away, I like to stand by them and as quietly as possible let loose a fart. Then just step back and wait until I have the asile all to myself.

Guide to not wearing clothes.

Naked: wearing no clothes.
Nekkid: Wearing no clothes and up to something dirty.
Nude: Wearing no clothes and posing for an artist.

Nude, Nude, Nude: Wearing no clothes and accepting tips
In The Buff: Wearing no clothes and just posing for no good reason .

Undressed: Wearing no clothes and not up to anything naughty at all.

Naked as a Jaybird: Wearing no clothes and being under 4 years old.

In Your Birthday Suit: Wearing no clothes, and not being aware that someone can see you.

Bare Assed: Wearing no clothes and being painfully aware that people can see you

Letting it all hang out: Wearing no clothes when others wish you were.

Exposed: Wearing no clothes and being a celebrity.
Raw: Wearing no clothes and being photographed for a porn site.

Baring all: Wearing no clothes and being photographed for an amateur porn site

Buck Naked: Wearing no clothes south of the Mason-Dixon line

Stark Naked: Wearing no clothes in Great Brittan

Disrobed: Wearing no clothes in a pretentious romance novel

In all of your glory: Wearing no clothes and being impressed with yourself
With all that God gave you: Wearing no clothes and impressing others.

Au Naturel: Wearing no clothes and being disturbed that no one cares.

Without any clothes on: Wearing no clothes

Further conspiracy...

So Heath Ledger died yesterday. Heath Ledger had recently finished playing the iconic character of "The Joker".

DC comics also released their preview for April's releases yesterday. Among them was a reprint of a 2001 miniseries. Read the synopsis below.

"BATMAN: THE JOKER'S LAST LAUGH TP Written by Chuck Dixon & Scott Beatty. Art by Ron Randall, Marcos Martin, Walter McDaniel and others. Cover by Brian Bolland. The Joker, thinking he's dying, concocts a scheme to carry on his legacy by transforming his fellow villains into "jokerized" versions of themselves in this exciting volume collecting the 6-issue miniseries (2001)!"

DC announces the release of "Last Laugh" on the same day the actor playing the Joker is found unexpectedly dead? There can only be one explanation. Clearly DC comics murdered Heath Ledger to drive sales of their miniseries reprint. I would recommend bringing Poison Ivy in for questioning.

Conspiracy of the day

Microsoft Outlook has been co-opted by Fox news. My spell-check keeps on telling me Obama should be spelled Osama. Scandalous, I tell you.

Oh, and Ron Paul sucks.